Tonight and the rest of my life...
by Nikhya
Summary: Relena feels utterly helpless...carrying the weight of the world doesn't exactly HELP your nerves. And looking down at those crashing waves from on top of that high cliff seems to help... What's Relena thinking? find out... HxR 'song fic.


  
Ever wonder what it's like to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders? AND being only 15 years old? Geez, that's a big stretch. I know I would be balled up in a corner crying for days. ^^;; Well, other people who actually grew up knowing about very big responsibilities, are much stronger in this subject than I...But they get depressed just like the rest of us. No ONE was actually meant to carry that much weight, I don't care how 'well-taught' for it you were. How does Relena react when SHE gets depressed...Or at least, it SEEMS she's depressed... hmm...maybe you should just read and find out...^_~ Songfic. I do not own Gundam wing nor do I own the song "Tonight and the rest of my life" sung by none other than Nina Gordon! ^^ Please enjoy! ^_^  
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Tonight and the rest of my life  
sung by Nina Gordon  
  
  
  
Her eyes were dry. They should've been overflowing with tears by now, but her body wouldn't allow her to cry. It just wouldn't let her release...   
  
...the cold wind was running it's icy fingers through her tangled hair...and she loved the feeling.  
  
This free feeling was so much better than what she'd been feeling for the past few months. No, the past few years...She'd been so depressed that memories of her recent past just didn't exist. The only thing that did exist was her body...just her body. Others around her, close friends, had just NOW begun to recognize it. The fact that she was only an outer shell. Her eyes lacked that happiness and vigor that they'd held for so long. Now they were just vacant and glazed...  
  
She wasn't going to die an empty shell. There was no way that she would let herself die in such a state.   
  
The only way to die happy, to have it as it was right at this moment, was to fall...she smiled weakly as she took another step toward the edge.   
  
*Down to the earth*  
*I fell with dripping wings*  
*Heavy things won't fly*  
  
Death...such an easy way out, right? Of course it was. Much easier than carrying the weight of the world...and much easier than letting go of one you loved till you bled it out...someone you'd die for a thousand times over. He'd just turned her away. Told her that he didn't love her...  
  
Well, Heero...you won't have me to deal with any longer. No longer will my heart bow down to yours...   
  
*And the sky might catch on fire*  
*And burn the axis of the world that's why*  
*I prefer a sunless sky*  
*To the glittering and stinging in my eyes*  
  
Tears threatened to fall as she clenched her fists and took another step toward the edge. She blinked them away. No, she wasn't doing this for Heero. She loved him, but she hated him more. He'd turned her away...to 'protect' her. Yeah right...for protection...he was just afraid. Afraid of what would happen if he got too close.   
No, she definitely wasn't doing this for him. She was doing this to get rid of that feeling...that empty feeling was almost as terrible as the searing pain she felt when Heero told her that he didn't love her. She had nothing to live for anymore...or at least that's what it felt like.  
  
She looked down to face the beautiful foam wondering if she wasn't the one who was really afraid...afraid to go on without him. Who else was there for her? She couldn't imagine anyone else taking his place. No one could do such an impossible task...   
  
Mmmm, to hear the wonderful sound of waves crashing into the rocks below...it just swept her problems away once again...  
  
So easy...to just fall...and be with those waves...  
she raised her arms into the air and let the wind ruffle her hair and sweep through the pleats and creases in her uniform...it felt so free...so...unbelievably weightless...  
  
*And I feel so light*  
*This is all i want to feel tonight*  
*And I feel so light*  
*Tonight and the rest of my life*  
*Gleaming in the dark sea*  
*I'm as light as air floating there breathlessly*  
*When the dream dissolves*  
*I open up my eyes*  
*I realize that*  
*Everything is shoreless sea*  
  
And finally, she took a deep breath and her last swallow as she watched the crashing waves below..  
  
closed her eyes...  
  
and jumped...  
  
*A weightlessness is passing over me..........*  
  
The wind whipped violently through her hair and clothes. Her uniform ripped and shredded as she fell...and the tears finally came...  
  
*And I feel so light*  
*This is all i want to feel tonight*  
*And I feel so light*  
*Tonight and the rest of my life*  
  
and so did realization, but way too late...  
  
she screamed inside...  
  
*Tonight and the rest of my life*  
*And I*  
*Everything is waves and stars*  
*The universe is resting in my arms*  
  
No, no...Wait! I can't die! Please, I have a responsibility. To my people, to the Earth!! Damn the rest!! Please...no. I made a mistake!!! Please....  
  
*I feel so light*  
*This is all i want to feel tonight*  
*I feel so light*  
*Tonight and the rest of my life*  
*And I feel so light*  
  
Relena sat up, sweat drenched and shaking. "NO!!!" Tears streamed down her face as she gulped in air to give her body needed oxygen.  
  
Her eyes squinted from the sudden burst of light...someone had turned on her lamp...  
  
She felt a strong arms slowly wrap around her from behind, and heard his gentle words hushing her softly.   
  
Heero?  
  
"Relena..." Heero lovingly put his chin on her shoulder and kissed her neck as she calmed down. "You were having that dream again weren't you..."  
  
Relena nodded weakly and turned to face him. When her eyes met his, it seemed that the whole dream was just a faint memory. He was here. Her Heero, her life... Her face softened as the aftermath of the dream slowly melted away transforming into a love filled smile. "Heero...I love you."  
  
*This is all I want to feel tonight*  
*And I feel so light*  
  
A smirk lightly touched his lips. He reached up gently with his hand and swept the tears from her cheeks. "I know you do...but I have no idea why.."  
  
She pushed him playfully making him flop back down on his pillow. "That's not what I wanted to hear..."  
  
He sat up just enough to manage wrapping his arms around her and bringing her back down with him. "'I love you' seems so unworthy for what my heart is feeling," he whispered huskily, running his fingers through her soft hair, "but if you want me to at least try to come close in words, then... I love you Relena.. I love you a thousand times over."  
  
She was silent as he placed a piece of her hair gently behind her ear.   
  
He looked at her and smiled when she didn't say anything more. She looked as surprised as she did the first time she ever heard him laugh...  
  
"If you don't believe me, I could prove it..." Heero smirked slyly.   
  
She blinked off her shock as an amused smile spread across her lips. "Hentai..."   
  
Without protest she let him pull her down into a fervent kiss...   
  
*Tonight and the rest of my life*   
  
and she laughed the lamp went off...  
  
*Tonight and the rest of my life*  
  
  
I hope you guys liked it! ^^ I let my mom read it and she was crying by the end. I was cooking in the kitchen when she came in and started wiping her eyes. I was like "What's the matter?! Are you okay?! What happened?" She just smiled at me still wiping her eyes "That story made me cry!! It was so good!" She said. I was jumping up and down and all around! ^^ Bouncing off the walls, I was. (My mom was amused, "You're so happy about making your own mother cry."she said. I was like "SURE AM!"^_~) Of course, it stirs up more feeling when you are listening to the song at the same time...which she was. I got a response from another girl that read this...she said she had just heard the song and thought that there should be a fanfiction to it! And she said she got teary too, so I was happy about that. Don't get me wrong, I don't LIKE to make people cry! But it's just so good to know that people actually feel something when they read your story!! ^^ So I'm happy about THAT fact. ^^ Thanks guys for readin. Review if you would like!   



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